Help behind the bars

After I was there for awhile I got some money in. I tried to repay they guys who had given me things. Not one would accept it. Rather they said. Just pass it on some day. Do for someone else what we did for you. They had done more than given me a few snacks - coffee - ect. They had helped me adjust - and to survive. You see Death Row is about survival. It is surviving mentally and physically. But mostly its mental.

You`re locked in a one man cell 24 hours a day - 7 days a week. You have a few things as distractions. A T.V. - radio - art work - other such things. Books. But, it´s the same distractions. Day in - day out. Every day is like yesterday and tomorrow. And as far ahead as you can picture. There is no break - no vacation. It´s 365 days a year. You can let it go for a lil while, on visits or while you read a good book. It´s always there, waiting for you.

You watch others lose the fight. I´ve seen it affect people in so many ways. I´ve seen strong vital men come to Death Row. Then watch them slowly die inside. Become weak and feeble. Or grow cold inside. No longer care or feel. Some go crazy. It just becomes too much. It breaks them. Some committed some overdosed.

And those in charge never believe a guy is crazy or do not care. They think they are just playing crazy. One man who went crazy was close by me. I knew he wasn´t faking. I watched him slowly loose it. I couldn´t help him.

Those in charge did not believe he was. So, when the man just gave up, lay in his cell - urinated and defecated on himself - they would caryy him to the clinic a couple of times a week. Clean him up. The State doctor would say: he is okay. Put him back in his cell.

That went on for over a year. I told them he was for real. Wrote people about it. Nothing was done. Then, he just died.

So, you see this kind of thing. Or others not getting proper medical care.