againstdeathrows

2009-10-12T05:42:00.000-07:00

Hitchcock v. Florida, No. SC03-2203

2008-05-31T09:28:00.000-07:00

CRIMINAL LAW & PROCEDURE, EVIDENCE, HABEAS CORPUS, PER CURIAM, SENTENCING

Hitchcock v. Florida, No. SC03-2203
Denial of a motion to vacate a first degree murder conviction and a sentence of death is affirmed, and a petition for habeas corpus is denied, over claims of error regarding: 1) ineffective assistance of counsel; 2) destruction of exculpatory evidence by the state; 3) newly discovered evidence; 4) the state's failure to disclose deficiencies of the hair analyst and then knowingly presenting incompetent and false testimony; 5) defendant's failure to be present at a bench conference where peremptory challenges were exercised; and 6) a failure of counsel to properly investigate and present statutory mitigating circumstances. Read more...

http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/data2/floridastatecases/5_2008/sc03-2203.pdf

an update

2008-05-09T09:16:00.000-07:00

James is still waiting for an opinion, so nothing is new in his case or his situation.

Britta

An update on my case and a thank you to all of you outside there

2006-06-23T08:15:00.000-07:00

Thought I would check in and update you on life and case. I hope this finds all of you enjoying life !

To begin - the state court judge turned down my request for relief on the 3.850 hearing as expected. Again his decision was an error filled joke. Not even a pretence at fairness. Almost as if the prosecutor wrote the decision.

As I told you before, state judges at that level are elected to office. Though they pretend its based on law. Their decisions are based on votes !

But he did me a favor with his error filled decision. Plus two slurs at the Florida Supreme Court in one page mandate he sent back for directions, saying he did not understand it, nor what was supposed to be done.

Actually the mandate was simplicity ! I understood it, and I am only of average intelligence *smile*

The order simply said, the judge was to hold a hearing on all innocence issuses from the 1977 trial, plus all the new evidence of innocence, and whatever else I chose to add to substantiate these issuses. The hearing was be held within 180 days and rule on the merits of each issue and return the case to the Florida Supreme Court. Simple isn't it ?

But I have found that, when an order is sent back down to a lower court that goes against the state and judge. They either get temporary amnesia or become deaf and dumb…over night. It is a mysterious ailment that only clears up after they render one unconscious with their decision. And the case is then passed back to the Florida Supreme Court to sort out, hopefully recognize that ailment and make an appropriate decision. This ailment is only beneficial in that it helps the state judge and prosecutor not to give any good decisions, thereby not angering voters or the good old boy network. Ok ! Enough sarcasm ! *smile* But you have to look at these decisions with a sense of humor.

The decision began with the judge saying, he believed what the three witnesses I called said and thereby denied my issue of ineffective assistance of counsel from 1977.
Sounds simple ! Except I did not call these witnesses, the state called them to testify against me. Anyway, you get the idea with what I’ve already told you. So I will not belabor the point.

So now I will soon file the brief with Florida Supreme Court, where I believe my conviction will finally be overturned. I should get a decision sometime early next year. So, no real surprises and I am ok. I can not be disappointed when what I believed would occur did.
And to be honest, I will be ok. Regardless. I made up my mind long ago – to make the best of whatever comes ! Not to allow – bad decisions by a messed up system nor this prison change or rearrange me. Not my mood nor who I am !

I came back to death row just before Christmas. Settled back in on a good floor. On the good side, early this year, another man walked out the front gate – free, the court saying there was never sufficient evidence to convict him. Another may go free any day.

Also two new rulings by the U.S. Supreme Court were just handed down, both a blow to the death penalty. “Hill vs. McDonough” saying death row inmates could pursue challenges against the method of executions. Here in Florida that means the drugs used in lethal injection. It has been proven that the drugs used cause pain and have been forbidden to use to put animals to sleep. In California also doctors refused to participate in taking a life. It goes against the oath they take to save lives, which should be applauded. Anyway, the issue can now be raised.

In “House vs. Bell” more doors are opened for us to raise innocence issues in Federal court. I’m sure it will be filter down to lower courts as well.

In a separate situation the Florida Supreme Court sent an advisory report to the Florida legislature, to change part of the capital punishment law, to bring Florida courts in line with recent rulings. That would make it so it would take an unanimous decision – jury vote of 12-0 to give a death sentence and it mandate that the judge follows the jury vote ! So only a jury decides if a person gets the death sentence. A couple of legislators tried to introduce such a bill, but not enough lawmakers backed the motion – bill. So, they snubbed the Florida Supreme Court's advice. This advisory letter was authored by Jeb Bush, Governor and Judge Cantero.
After these 2 latest decisions Jeb Bush was interviewed. He said pretty much - that the death penalty was irrelevant. Men on death row lived out life sentences there. If he realizes the irrelevancy of the death penalty why doesn’t he just end it and the frustrations of it all ?

What he says is true. Guys do live out life sentences on death row, their whole life. One died recently, age and disease. He had been here over 20 years. It made me look around and notice that many of the men I’ve know a long time had grown old. And I just turned 50. Strange, I remember being young when I came here. I was referred to as the young buck, at age 20 now I’m one of the old guys. How the hell did that happen ? *smile* But seriously, I know only too well, time stands still for no one.

However the death penalty is under siege. By the court system and by the groups outside – who have and are educating people all over the world. They have opened eyes which were closed till you guys showed then a flawed system. The way courts rule has a lot to do with the view the public has on issues !

Though victories are being won – one by one, there’s still much to do ! Because, there are still those, who refuse change. They cling to outdated ideas and use them to boost their political careers. A time will come when the death penalty is history. It's archaic and draconian and belongs in the dark ages !

You know when I began to write this Average Joe piece – without a name – it was so all could focus on the issue not one person, to maybe shed some light on life on death row. I wanted to share some thoughts and ideas and an appreciation for those of you outside who fight the good fight. It is the first time I’ve attempted to write in such a way, so I had no idea exactly what to write.

I have asked myself if I’m qualified to do it. The answer is probably not ! *smile* But, sometimes there is a need, and a job falls into the hands of someone who is not really qualified to do it, an Average Joe – who does not have any experience, does not know where to begin, not the most intelligent who deals with a subject that’s so huge.

It seemed impossible that I might be able to make a difference at all, but I think, that maybe that’s the way most of us feel at first. So, I decided I would just do the best I could, do my little part. If enough of us Average Joes and James or whatever name you choose does just their little parts it will make a difference.

There are many little parts we play that add up and finds us all working together. It's not such an impossible job nor a high hill to climb. You do not need to be the most able, most intelligent. You just take the job that falls in to your hands and do the best you can. You know what ? That is how most things get done.

And on an average day – anything is possible ! *smile* Just some thoughts to share. And if anyone has any questions for me feel free to write and ask. If I can answer them I will. If I can not – I will say so and why I can not.

I can tell you this – I write because you guys inspire me. The work you do, because you do not have to do it, you choose to do it. There’s a difference there I recognize it !

Stay strong and make life what you choose it to be

Sincerely
Average Joe

Some thoughts about this and that

2006-02-21T04:34:00.002-08:00

Hey Guys, I´m back at U.C.I. while jail was a riot and a real head trip, time here is easier done. Its kind of a trade off. There I had this really great view. People always coming and going - the phone. Good canteen.

But, absolutely no privacy. Here I do. And you know we all need time to be alone. Out of sight. I´m around friends. If I choose to talk, I can. Got my T.V. A cold soda or two once a week - when I can afford !
I have a weakness for Coke Cola :)

And I will not miss the mental patients I was about at jail - with all their noise and bad smells !

As I write this, I´m still awaiting the states court´s decision. Which I do not expect to be in my favor. Oh, we showed more than enough testimony and errors to overturn my case. But, state judges are elected to office. I believe he will be more concerned with reelection than doing whats right. It ´s strange, isn´t it ? That a case would be decided on whether a man is innocent or guilty. But, that`s true reality. So I expect nothing there. However I do believe once it goes to Florida Supreme Court for review. I will get my case overturned. They do not have to worry about being reelected. So, can render a good - or fair decision.

Anyway, the two months at jail was a good break from routine and we got some good legal work done. Now we wait and see if it all pays off. This of course is just an update of where I am at.

On the other topics; as you may know two warrants were signed in Florida. Both got stays in the US Supreme Court, which holds all executions till that decision is reached. The issue - whether the drugs used to execute people are cruel and unusual punishment. I was surprised they accepted the issue. But glad it saved two lives - maybe more, for awhile longer. And as the saying goes: while still alive there is hope.

There is another issue which was heard recently, whether or not the length of time a man is held on death row - before execution - is cruel and unusual punishment. The justices said no. If a person wished they could have always dropped their appeals and been executed sooner ! Or that´s what it all comes down to. They did not mention - why - or how a person who is not guilty - would even consider such a stupid idea. In fact the whole ruling was stupid. To me that´s the same as saying - if a person outside has a bad life - and does not wish to grow old in such circumstances - go ahead and commit suicide. Yet suicide is illegal.

You would or should expect - from 9 highly educated men and women something more philosopical or enlighting. But then, what could they have said and still said no. That would of been an itelligent response. Not, not all the justices said nor ruled that way. Only the hard liners. Right wingers. But, this is what I´ve told people for many years. If Republican presidents got to appoint the majority of the US Supreme Court would be. They have done it now. And filled the federal appeals courts with their appointments also. I think we will now see much more harsh decisions. It makes it much harder to receive justice unless you are rich or influential - or a politican. Thats always been true though.

Now, as for Coleman in Virginia. His DNA tests came back positive. I´ve read and heard many say it´s blow to death penalty opponents. Not that much ! I don´t think so anyway. One bad test...when hundreds have been freed by DNA. Of course the state and pro death penalty people will use it to well see. But, its just one test. There are many that came back negative. Two weeks ago a man in Florida was cleared by DNA after 25 years in prison. So, don´t let one bad test get you down. Its just a matter of time before one test will show some innocent person was executed. I have absolutely no doubts its true. And whether an innocent man is executed or just lost 10 - 20 - 30 years of his life. It´s the same to me. You can´t give a 50 year old man back 25 - 30 years of their life. And how much has a person lost in that many years: a chance at a career, a family, travel, just living those lost years would and could of been. I mean isn´t that bad enough ? ! And on the reverse side. Living those years in prison.

And here´s the kicker ! When a person who´s had that much of their life stolen the state and politicians say, oh well too bad, but, we still don´t think you deserve any compensation or if compensated at all - it´s not much. No one is held responsible. No one pays for such crimes as false conviction and imprisonment. More or less the person is set free and told - deal with it.

To me, it says a lot more. It says there is something wrong with society itself and the system. If I were outside, just an average citizen and I read and saw this happen it would piss me off. I would want to know why ! I would want to know how this could happen to a person. I would want to know who was responsible ! And why this person was not at the very least compensated fairly. Then, I would want whatever part of the system that allows these things to happen - changed ! I think most of you guys understand this ! Maybe its part of why you guys fight - to change things. Question is why arent there more out side seeing this. Or do they see it and just say - not my problem ?

Anyway, just some thoughts to share with you. And a thought I´ve had for some time now. That being, maybe what´s needed is for groups to unite. To link up through the internets - via phone - whatever way. And speak with one very loud voice !

I know it could be difficult. But think on it. A few people make a difference - imagine if you had a few million voices at once ! As I said consider it there are among you - minds better than mine, to perhaps find a way to make such a thing possible.

Anyway, do not allow one setback to discourage you. That´s all it is in reality. Just one ! Its not the end of the story, not even a major scene ! Don´t allow the pro death penalty people make you think over wise. They tend to use whatever excuse they can to justify - injustice !

Its a long hard struggle. We´ll win some - lose some. But, in the end we will win the only victory which counts. The end of executions ! And thats what it´s all about.

Take care of yourselves and others when you can !
Till later
Sincerely
Average Joe !

Greetings from Average Joe

2005-12-06T06:23:00.001-08:00

Hey Guys,
here I sit - not on death row for the time being, rather at the Orange Country Jail. Back for a court hearing. One to hopefully get my sentence thrown out and maybe win freedom.

I say maybe, because you never know with the courts or the political climate. But, still I have the chance. Which is surprising after 29 years, or amazing. To be seen though !

The jail is a fish bowl type of jail. Round, plexi glass across the front and back of each cell. You can see all the way across the floor. Every cell. So suffice to say - there is no privacy. Add to that cameras everywhere. Yet, now that I´ve been here for a month, I ignore them - go with my life each day. Unlike at UCI.

I have an incredible view. I´m on the 5th floor - overlooking the parking lot and roads - where visitors come and go ! Busy every day. And when it rains or storms I can watch the rain comming from a mile away. Clouds nearby. Lightening - right in front of my eyes. Birds gliding and landing on the roof in front of me. Life going on. Makes me want to be a part of it ! I´m smiling as I say that. Its so close ! Freedom just outside my window. Grrrrrowllll !

I´m in an 8 man pod. Locked in my cell all day - except for the use of phone or shower. And no one to talk to ! Rest of the pod is inhabited by mental patients. Oh I´ve tried a couple of times while out for the phone. One guy asks, don´t I know you ? I ask where from ? He says, last week at the Miami Dolphins football game. Row 10 ! I looked - felt odd for a second. Cause it was so rediculous. But the guy had this hopeful look on his face. Almost as if - if I remember these things I am ok. Right. I thought for a second and smiled. Said yeah. Hell of a game wasn´t it. He smiled so big. Seemed relieved or grateful. Saying yeah - yeah - sure was.

The second one called me a queer for 2 weeks each time I was out of my cell. He called everyone that. Finally I talked to him and he changed. Even apologized for calling me a queer ect. He was just angry ! He was arrested for a crap charge. Trespassing at a train or bus station. He had a ticket ect. So as of today he´s been locked up for 26 days. Turned out to a pretty cool guy. They have him taking Lithium and Haldol. Psychotrophics.
He´ll be free soon. I gave him my website address.

So, Brian, if you`re reading this...Hey, hope you`re eating pizza and enjoying life again !

But I see others in pods across the way. One naked 24-7- dances and plays with himself. Others just sleep. A couple are angry, beat and bang. It´s sad really. But, what can be done ? They actually treat them fairly decent - for a jail. Most will cycle over to the mental hospital. Some back on the street. No where to go. They will recycle through jails and shelters - maybe end up at the mental ward - or worse. It´s so much different than death row. Yet still prison. Court, cat and mouse. We present one side. The state tries to make it seem harmless. Even though they know it´s not. But, my case - jail - is not why I choose to write at this time. That´s just an update on my life at present.

No, the real reason is I heard on my walkman radio this morning that North Carolina would or maybe executing the 1,000th person on Dec. 2nd. since the death penalty was reinstated in 1976. It wasn´t significant as a man would be executed. The only significance was that he would be No. 1,000.

I thought - a thousand - really ? I keep up pretty well with death penalty related issues. But if someone had asked me how many had been executed since 1976, I would not have known. Nor would I have guessed so many. You just do not hear about executions anymore - unless its some serial killer or someone that had really good issues and still was put to death.

And it takes me back to when I was 22 years old. When I did my only newspaper interview. The debate then was which would be better: the electric chair or lethal injection.

The reporter asked me that question. I said it doesn´t matter how you are killed - the method - dead is dead. You will not wake up later and say - wow that electric chair hurt, wish it had been lethal injection. I added lethal injection would only make it easier to accept the death penalty as more humane. And make it easier on those who hand out and administer it. And that it would become acceptable - that executions would become mundane. Not news worthy. And look where we are now. 1,000 deaths - and you do not even hear about them on the news. So many - its just not news worthy.

Oh, when the article came out all it said for what I said was - Hitchcock said it didn´t matter or he didn´t care which. The rest was just tossed out. And no, I was not that smart at 22 - nor prophetic. I had just discussed it with many others before hand. And what I said was what I spoke with thoughtout and had been agreed on.

But, it was true ! And the fact that the 1,000th death was a surprise to me. Reminded me I must be more aware also. Not allow things to become so mundane that I forget to notice too !

Did that number surprise any of you also ? You have done a lot of good, guys ! You have made a difference. It could have been the 5,000th if not for your voices raised in opposition. Oh believe me, if it were not for you guys out there who oppose and fight for a better system, it would be. They would be executing 2 or 3 every day ! So take heart in the fact that a thousand in 30 years is alot but, it could be so many more ! And those who have been freed would not have been !

So what now ? Well simple. We fight till that number - or the number that are executed - becomes smaller and smaller. Till there are none !! Till one morning those who are for executions and make them happen hear on the radio or T.V. that the number of executions is down to zero ! And it catches them by surprise. Or there´s just not enough people who are for the death penalty for there to be one !

Anyway, just an update for now. And to share an eye opener ! Speaking of which, for those who do not receive it yet, email for the newsletter "Legal in USA". They update a list of all the upcoming executions and - show the recent court rulings - and news bits from each state!
Email: Legalinusa1@aol.com

You guys take care of yourselves and each other ! I´ll tell you how this court thing goes - when I know !

Till later as ever
Average Joe

State Executions

2005-09-17T03:50:00.000-07:00

After I wrote my first article last year www.axisoflogic.com/cgi-bin/exec/view.pl?archive=84&num=14577
Average Joe and some others of my friends asked me to write again.

So here we are:
www.axisoflogic.com/artman/publish/article_19664.shtml

Britta

Some questions from a German High School

2005-07-30T08:36:00.000-07:00

I got a paper with questions from a German High School class about the death penalty.
Here are some answers:

Would you agree that the death penalty should be a legitimate punishment for certain crimes ? Why ?
No, because once you open the door for one particular crime to received the death penalty. Politicians will expand it. Make it a death worthy sentence for other cases. When dealing with the law - you end up dealing with people who wish to interpret the law as they want it. Or as now - use it to run for higher offices. Move up the ladder of success.

So, though you may start up with a death penalty. For one offence it grows two - three - four - five. Then again you end up what we have now.

A justice system that is wrong.

If you could choose between life without parole and the death penalty, which one would you choose ? Why ?
Death. Because I might as well be dead than - die a little each day.

What do you miss most ?
The freedom to do what I wish.

Do you think about your own execution ?
No, not now - I was on Death Watch once - waiting to be executed. I had time then to get my thoughts in place and be prepared to die. It no longer worries me. If the time comes, I can do that. Till it does I don´t think on it.

I´ll be still just an "Average Joe" on Death Row

2005-07-21T05:37:00.000-07:00

And from the help of some old friends. Along with a couple now friends. Maybe some new friends. I think I´ll be ok. Smile but hey wouldn´t it be a kick if I win ?

Since the last time I talked with you guys I wrote my first book ! A science fiction - fantasy - adventure. I managed to put in some problems we face today - and may in the future.
Such as "Global Warming", "The Manufacturing of Chemical and Biological Elements", viruses, crooked politicians. Store bought religion, corruption and greed. Plus, a bit of a love story ! It´s not the greatest book ever written. But according to the 3 guys I let read - they liked it. Plus it´s a quick read 3 1/2 to 4 hours. Not sure what I´ll do with it yet ! I´m not allowed to publish by law !
Maybe I´ll give it to a friend - let them. Now that I´ve learned I can. I will probably write a couple of more books ! To be seen !

I´ll let you know how it goes at the hearing. Good or bad.

I talked it over with my friend who set up the blog. I used "Average Joe" as a name. Because I wanted you to see the issue. Not just one person - but any "Average Joe" here. We agree that´s been accomplished. So I´ll give you my real name now.

Even so, I´ll still just an "Average Joe" on Death Row. For now, I´ll just wish you a good life. Take it a day at a time. Enjoy what good comes of each one. Endure the bad. And if someone has or is helping you out. Or to adjust to whatever. Pass it along one day. It´s a good thing !

Sincerely Average Joe

Believe in yourself !

2005-07-21T05:06:00.000-07:00

Add on - people being executed - friends. Your case just drags on and on. And it becomes on hell of a mental struggle. You question when is my turn ?

Those guys taught me to survive these things. They showed me where to begin. I remember one guy told me ! Believe in yourself ! And never give up ! It doesn´t matter if no one else does. That´s something no one can take from you. What you know and believe inside. That´s true. Whatever you`re inside or outside. Maybe so here !

Here´s a funny thing for you.

I was on Death Row 6 months before it dawned on me. I´m one of them. Till then I lived with the illusion - I don´t belong here. I´m not like them - not one of them. I was all along ! It just didn´t hit home till 6 months later. It doesn´t matter why they were there. Or if they were innocent or guilty. Nor if I was. Innocent or guilty - we had all been convicted of 1st Degree Murder. I was as they - just one of the men of Death Row.

You guys who read the earlier writings (http://againstdeathrows.blogspot.com/) already have an idea of my life here. You know I´ve been here over 28 years. Thought I would show you where it began.

Some of the reasons why I am who I am today.
Maybe say thanks to those who helped me learn to survive. Most are no longer alive. But, I still pay back what they gave me when I can. Help a new arrival learn to survive. Help others when I can. This 28 years+ has been one hell of a path to travel along. And I wonder if - back in 1977 - someone had said - you may have to do 25 or more years. Would I have believed it ? Would I still have chosen to go through it.
And I think of what he said in the "Green Mile": Am I lucky or am I cursed ? I tell you - I just don´t know. Will it be worth it ? I guess I have to wait and see how it ends !

But I do have a little good news !

In 2005 I had an evidentiary hearing. In that hearing the judge ruled - all my issues were procedurally barred. So we appealed to the State Supreme Court. And in less than 2 months after oral arguments, the State Supreme Court ruled - none of my issues were procedurally barred. They ordered a new hearing on all issues. We have some very good - strong issues. So, I have a chance - maybe to win a new trial. Of course they could screw me over again. So, I take the attitude of wait and see what comes.

I will not let my hopes get up. I´ll do what I´ve always done. I´ll maintain my day to day philosophy. Live one day at a time. Enjoy what good comes my way in that day ! Hell if I win - I can celebrate then. If I lose. I can keep on doing what I´m doing ! Surviving !

Help behind the bars

2005-07-21T03:53:00.000-07:00

After I was there for awhile I got some money in. I tried to repay they guys who had given me things. Not one would accept it. Rather they said. Just pass it on some day. Do for someone else what we did for you. They had done more than given me a few snacks - coffee - ect. They had helped me adjust - and to survive. You see Death Row is about survival. It is surviving mentally and physically. But mostly its mental.

You`re locked in a one man cell 24 hours a day - 7 days a week. You have a few things as distractions. A T.V. - radio - art work - other such things. Books. But, it´s the same distractions. Day in - day out. Every day is like yesterday and tomorrow. And as far ahead as you can picture. There is no break - no vacation. It´s 365 days a year. You can let it go for a lil while, on visits or while you read a good book. It´s always there, waiting for you.

You watch others lose the fight. I´ve seen it affect people in so many ways. I´ve seen strong vital men come to Death Row. Then watch them slowly die inside. Become weak and feeble. Or grow cold inside. No longer care or feel. Some go crazy. It just becomes too much. It breaks them. Some committed some overdosed.

And those in charge never believe a guy is crazy or do not care. They think they are just playing crazy. One man who went crazy was close by me. I knew he wasn´t faking. I watched him slowly loose it. I couldn´t help him.

Those in charge did not believe he was. So, when the man just gave up, lay in his cell - urinated and defecated on himself - they would caryy him to the clinic a couple of times a week. Clean him up. The State doctor would say: he is okay. Put him back in his cell.

That went on for over a year. I told them he was for real. Wrote people about it. Nothing was done. Then, he just died.

So, you see this kind of thing. Or others not getting proper medical care.

Learning behind the bars

2005-07-21T02:48:00.000-07:00

My attorney said before I came: You will be back in court in 6 months. I told them this. And all of them laughed. Saying yeah. That´s what I was told. I´ve been here 3 years so far. Same with the others.

The next thing you need to know. Is learn to depend on yourself. After time, here - family and friends will forget who you are. Or most will. I was never very close to much of my family. My brothers and sisters all left home at early ages. Then I did also. So, we really were not around each other much. So, that part would not surprise me !

However - I had 2 good friends and a girlfriend and what the guys said came true pretty fast. Less than 2 years. Both friends and my girl friend were gone. The guys explained that to me. We on Death Row become lost causes to them. And they have lives and move on. It makes sense in a way. Yet still it hurts to see them go.

The next thing they taught me was: don´t believe half of what your attorney says. An attorney will tell you things just to placate you. Get you to go along with ever they do.

Learn about law. Keep an eye on them. These attorney have several cases. they can and will spend only as much time on your case as they have to.

Learn law, research your own case.

Of course I was not able to do that then. I had completed only the 6th. Grade in school outside. I knew zero about law. Or anything else really. But, I did start to educate myself. I borrowed books from the Prison School Teacher. Started to read everything I could get my hands on. And some of the guys helped me. I watched public T.V. They have mostly educational programming.
Science - Nature - History - Documentaries.

And my eyes slowly opened to the world. I took the G.E.D. test in 1981 passed - got my High School Diploma. But that still did not teach me law.

And at Florida State Prison - a law library was a joke. So, I was still law - ignorant.
So, I had to rely on the attorneys. Which in later years I realized was just what the guys told me. They really messed my case up. But back to the first days.

Ignorance

2005-07-21T02:22:00.000-07:00

I came to Death Row ignorant. Not stupid - there is a difference. Ignorance - means uneducated not aware of the world. Inexperienced. Stupid - is knowing or being aware educationally or world wise. But, just adopting a stupid attitude - or view of life. Or it´s the way I see it !

Anyway, I was ignorant. And, the way I was being threated surprised me. It was not what I expected.

We went to the exercise yard 2 days after I arrived. Back then - that was just a dirt yard. Fenced in - beside R-Wing. it had a volley ball net. A basket ball goal - and some pull up bars. That and a drinking fountain. When we went outside that first time I was surprised again. Guys would meet - shake hands - or dap. That is just a cool hand shake. And stop and talk with each other. It was very civilized. The guy in cell 9 who became a good friend walked over - shook hands. Then laughed. Not quite what you expected huh ? No, it wasn´t He and I - 2 or 3 others got to talking. They had experienced the same things when they first came. And they began to enlighten me.

Talking behind bars

2005-07-21T02:12:00.000-07:00

The guy in cell 9 said: Hey new guy. Cell 8#: What´s your name ?
I figured out it was me he was talking to. I told him and he said: You drink coffee - smoke ??
I said: Yeah. He passed me over some coffee - and a pack of smokes and a pack of matches. Along with a cup and spoon. I made a cup of coffee - lit up a smoke.

And he and I talked. Sometimes others would join in. They explained the rules and regulations. Gave me the whole run down on the place. The guy in cell 9 passed over his radio. Said keep it till they bring you a T.V.
At that time they gave you a T.V. I got mine the next day. But what those guys did was help me settle in and adjust. They knew what it was like to just arrive. In those days, that´s the way it was. You helped others get adjusted. Made it as easy for them as you could. No. Not all, there is always the selfish ones. Or ones to wrapped up in their own misery. But, the majority would help you learn to survive.

The Beginning ! 1977 February 14th

2005-07-21T01:27:00.000-07:00

I arrived at Death Row. I was 20 years old. I walked onto R-Wing at Florida State Prison. In 1977 R-Wing was Death Row. All 70 people were housed there. I was walked into the gate on 2 South. That means the second floor. R-Wing had 3 Floors. Split in half by a pipe alley. So you has 1-2-3 South floors. Then 1-2-3 North floors. Each floor had 17 cells. Thus 4 1/2 floors were Death Row.

1 1/2 were lock down population inmates.
I was led onto 2-South. Cell 8.

I must admit I was nervous. Even a little afraid. I mean - 6 months earlier I was on the streets. I knew zero about the Death Penalty. All I knew for sure was each person there was convicted of
1st Degree Murder. And as I walked by each cell - men in the cell stopped to watch me pass. Some said hello - others just glanced at me - went back to what ever they were doing. And I was thinking...I can´t believe they are putting me in here with these killers. I got in my cell. Looked about. Sat down on my bunk.

They gave me - 2 sheets - a blanket. A towel. Toot brush and tooth paste. That´s what I had. I guess you could say a weight settled on my shoulders. I guess it just hit home, how bad a situation I was in.

Truth - by Edward James

2005-04-23T11:05:00.000-07:00

I looked,
in hope of seeing.
I listened,
in hope of hearing.
I sought,
in hope of finding.
But only in
silence,
did I come to know
wisdom.

Imagine - by Edward James

2005-03-23T12:06:00.000-08:00

When you wake up tomorrow morning I want you to imagine that you are in a 6' x 9' concrete cage with one wall overlaid with a set of 1''round steel bars covered by a dimond shaped steel grating. After having slept on a 3'' thick mat laid over a metal bunk that is bolted to one wall.

Now imagine not having to take more than one step to partake of your morning routine because your toilet and sink are only 3' from the edge of your bunk. Then imagine having straddle that toilet to reach the sink so you can wash your face and brush your face.

Imagine only being able to take 4 steps in one direction, from the front of your cage to the back, then 4 more back to the front. Where if you want you can look out a window. Only in order to do that you must gaze past two sets of bars and that dimond shaped grate to see a brick wall through a grimy plate of glass.

Imagine having no control over the meals you will eat this day. Somebody else will decide what you shall eat, when you will get it and whether it will be hot or cold. Then when it does come it arrives on a crusty slotted tray. Which you have to hold it on your lap or place it on the sink above your toilet, or simply hold it braced against the bars at the front of your cage. Because there are no table or chairs as any other human might have to use.

Imagine having no privacy, where people who don´t care about you at all can come in and go through your belongings anytime they want and there is nothing you can do about it.

Imagine on the few occasions that may get out of your cage you are first forced to strip naked and bend over and spread your cheeks so someone can look you over for contraband.

Imagine getting sick and only being able to get generic Tylenol and cheap coughdrops, nobody is going to bring you hot soup and tea, or put cold compresses on your fevered brow.

Imagine being in the environment and only being giving 1 pair of pants, 1 shirt - both bright orange, 4 t-shirts, 4 pairs of boxers, 4 socks, 1 pair of cheap camvasse shoes, 1 toothbrush, (1 tube of toothpaste, 1 bar of soap (every two weeks)), 1 towel, 1 washrag, a 3''thick mattress, a pillow if your lucky, two sheets, a pillow case, a thin army blanket and a jacket (light weight). Also, to your amazement, a 12''b/w tv and the opportunity to mail one letter a month.

Now you will be allowed some minor luxuries, but you will have to buy them out the prison canteen once a week. But wait a second, where you will get the money for that ? You aren´t allowed to work or operate a business in any way. So you will have to, if you want to have any kind of luxuries like coffee, tea, a coffee cup, shampoo and deodorant, or if you would like to write a letter more than once a month, depend on family or friends to help support you.

And imagine that is only the small stuff you have to deal with ?

Imagine never being able to walk on grass again or to stroll barefoot along the beach. Imagine never again to be able to look up at night and see the moon or the stars. Or to experience the sun rising to a chorus of song birds, or to sit with a loved one and gaze at the setting sun.

Imagine never again hearing the laughter and joy of a child on X-mas morning. Or to simply get up and go for a stroll when you get the urge.

Imagine never again to be able to dance with your sweetheart, to be able to look into their eyes and tell how much you love them, except for the weekly visits.

Imagine never again being able to make love.

Imagine not being able to get up and go to the fridge when you want an ice cold drink on a hot day or maybe a snack or sandwich.

Imagine not being able to leave the room when those around you are making so much noise they are driving you crazy.

Now imagine having to deal with all this and more every day knowing that the government is doing everything in its power to murder you. So I guess with all that considered, one could still say we here on Death Row have it easy.

Oh, one more thing, imagine that you were wrongly convicted and are truly innocent.

The end of the day - by Average Joe

2005-03-08T00:54:00.000-08:00

And so once again - Plug your ears. Chow Time !

4:45 p.m. tonight's meal is one that´s ok. A burrito slice of cheese. Rice - salad and a cookie - it´s not great - but, you can fill up on it. And now - another important time of day approaches.

Mail time. It´s always a spirit lifter to receive mail from a loved one - family or friend. It´s a life line to them - the free world. A way to keep love and care flowing. Doesn´t matter if it´s full of interesting news ect, if it´s just a note. That´s ok. Or news of every day life. You touch home base. You get a smile or laugh - or share a problem or a sadness that may have occurred. It´s the sharing ! So, yes, it is important !

It always sucks, when the mail man passes and doesn´t stop at your door ! I got two so I´m good ! Can you sense the smile ?

7 p.m. not much on T.V. tonight - so I´ll hang out with
the guys till 10 p.m.
Then catch "N.Y.P.D. Blue". Hopefully they won´t show Dennis Franz´s butt, that could scar a person for life ! They only did it once - but, that was once too many. Time to play jeopardy. Play with my two neighbors. Well I lost tonight. 12 right for my neighbors, 5 for the others, 10 for me.

We play or I do, cause it keeps the old brain oiled. Same reason I do crossword puzzle and read. Plus I learn a lot and it passes time. A lot of what I do - it´s just getting through a day. I get through today then I´ll worry about tomorrow - tomorrow.

And yes, I´ve done these same things over and over for years. And sometimes I´m just going through the motions ! Not really experiencing them. But, that´s part of survival too. I´ve survied 28 years of them. By my math 10,120 such days ! And yes, there´s times when I just want to say screw it. Just lay on my bunk and let the world pass on by. I even allow myself to have a pity party for a day or two here and there ! Then that old voice says - get your butt up and be about something. It´s that spirit - or will - that knows no quitting !

True I need to get a life. I´m working on it. Who knows what the future holds. And I decided long ago I will stick around to see where it all leads. And find things to enjoy along the way. Remain myself not what this place would make of me.

Time for "N.Y.P.D. Blue" ! I´m back 11 p.m. Time for lights out - in the hall and in the cell. T.V. stays on - time for me to hear the sirens´ song - crash open their rocks. They call me with promises of delights I´ve never dreamed of. Like from the tales of Ulysses !

So, I shall bid all of you good night ! Another day in Paradox !
Take care and stay strong in the fight !

Sincerely
Average Joe !

What a visit means - by Average Joe

2005-02-27T13:00:00.000-08:00

Our cells have bars across the front - so - we can hear and talk to each other. 14 men on my floor. Conversations are generally open to whom ever wishes to join in. We discuss many topics. From politics - to theology - books - sports - whatever. Sometimes we just joke around for a few laughs.

You may live on the same floor with guys for years. So, it´s like a little community. This is a good floor I am on. We all get along pretty good. Each floor is different. As is each person. Plus you have some who are stressed out or may have mental problems. But, this is a good floor.

My neighbor just called me - asked what I´m up to. Said he could hear the noise from my hamster wheel turning ! We kid each other like that. Told him I was doing some serious thumb twiddling and occasional toe tapping.

Someone mentioned they had a three day visit - starting tomorrow. Ah visit. That's as good as it gets here. Six hours with a loved one or a close friend or family. If they live out of State they get a three day visit. Six hours each day. Something you really can look forward to !

I step into the visiting park see my visitor - the weight lifts off my shoulders. A sparkle lights my eyes and a smile comes automatically to my lips. What really cool is I see the same reaction in them. Then hug and a kiss. Feels so good. Its hard to describe. I´m in this cell all the time alone. No touching - no hugs - alone ! Its like having life pumped back inside you. It flows through your veins. Unfreezes you from the coldness that has surrounded you.

You get a table to yourselves. Oh there's others about. Guards to watch over everyone. All on best behavior ! But, it does not matter. You shut all of that out and there's just you and your friend. To sit and talk, laugh, share some goodies - sodas. Hold hands. Get up and stroll about, hand in hand. For those who wish - there´s scrabble and other board games or cards, or for kids or story books for kids.

It´s not just six hours. But, six quality hours of closeness and warmth. And time to remember. For when the visit is over - to carry with you. And when you feel alone. You remember - the look in the eyes - the smiles - laughs - how it felt to hold someone close and kiss her ! The way she smells - tasted ! Um ! If family - the thing you share with family.

You know it will be sad time when they leave. But, you accept that part. Cause the good outweights the bad the fold. You use those memories as a source of strength to get you by till the net visit ! And to keep those bonds between you strong ! Some get visits every week. Some of us can not. So, have to make each one count !

So, if any of you are considering visiting someone, do it ! It´s a good thing!

Birds on the row - by Average Joe

2005-02-27T11:43:00.000-08:00

Tell you of a strange contrast I´ve found. Birds of all types winter here. They build their nests about the building. The pidgeons build their nests on the light fixtures high on sides of wings. The doves - under the razor wire on the top of the fence.

The little sparrows and fences - inside the holes of the posts that hold the fence up ! So, this place which for me is of suffering and death, for the birds - it´s a safe refuge - a haven to build their nests - homes - lay eggs - raise their family.
A contrast so stark - it always makes me smile !

Sometimes a squirrel will run down the top of our fence. Life !

Time to come in - which I always hate ! Leaving the light behind - to enter the dark again !
Get cuffed behind the back - back up the stairs to cell - cuffs off. Time for another bath - strip down - hey no looking !
Then, wash out yard clothes. We shower - in the shower cell three times a week. So, I take a lot of bird baths in my sink. They also do laundry. But, they pick up hundreds of bags each time - just toss them all together in machines. So I wash my own whites. From laundry they come back dingy.

Anyway, past 11 a.m. Time for coffee ! I´m hungry as a bear. Always am after two hours of yard. Which brings us to lunch.

And the yelling of "Chow Time" again ! Tea ! Tea - sucks !

So does this food tray. Macaroni casserole. At least that's what they call it. Some evil concoction of noodles and some type of meat. I´m not sure from what animal - maybe yak or gnu. Nasty tasting critter what ever it is.

Our food has sucked since they contracted it out to Aramark. You look at the menu - it looks like a good variety of food, but, its not. Only real meat is chicken and liver. Rest is processed crap. Mostly soy or turkey. We get turkey out the wazoo. Turkey Hot Dogs - Turkey Sausage - Turkey Bologna. Then processed Turkey Slice ! Somewhere turkeys are catching hell. And even then - its parts of a turkey leftovers.

Probably - feet and beaks and that red thing that hangs down under their beaks. No doubt poop holes ! Anyway, I eat the spoon full of salad and pinto beans. Dump the rest.

Fortunately today is canteen day. We can order canteen once a week if we can afford it.
And yes, it is important !

Not life and death. But, to the spirit. It is nice to be able to order a few items as you need. Maybe a cold soda once a week - or an ice cream. A sandwich. To be able to get food stuff that will keep for a week - like peanut butter and saltine crackers. Some bag - o. soups which are freeze dried noodles and a flavor pouch. Or some chips - or nutty bars. These are the cheaper items. But they will get you through days - when the food on the trays is inedible !

Or a snack with a cup of coffee. When I get extra money - I splurge some. Buy the good stuff. Chili or beef stew. Come in a bag - you can heat under your hot water in sink - meal in a bag ! Or tuna fish packs - me and a friend make what we call Tuna Schnitzel ! A pack of tuna - cook up the pack of noodles - add the flavor pack - Cajun chicken. Five mayonnaise packs. Two packs of cheese - one jalapeno - one cheddar. Then one pack of nacho cheese chips. Delicious on saltine crackers !

So, for my friends who help out when they can - thanks !! It is appreciated. Anyway canteen has run, I had my cold coke and some peanut butter and crackers. I´m good till the next meal !

Two hours outside - by Average Joe

2005-02-26T11:49:00.000-08:00

Ah, yard - has just been called ! Which means my floor - gets hours outside on the exercise yard this morning. So, I will leave you guys for a while - sit back - have a cup of coffee or whatever.

11 a.m. I´m back ! To catch you guys up. For yard - they come by at 8 a.m. - yell yard - ask who all plans to go. Then we usually have 30 to 40 minutes to get up and get ready. Get my yard shorts out - a t-shirt - underwear - socks - tennis shoes - and my cap ! I always wear it turned backwards - like a sweat band.

Put those on the bars. Make sure my bed is made - everything else stored in my locker !
Then take a bird bath in the sink. It´s generally common courtsey to not go out all stinky !
The guards come do a visual inspection of our body. Raise the unmentionable balls. Spread the butt cheeks - open mouth - raise feet so they can see the bottom of feet - raise arms to check the pits.

Each time that rebellious part of me says screw the crap. But, the sensible part says just do it - get it over ! It gives me some solace that most of them don´t like seeing us naked either !
Back up to the food slot - be handcuffed behind the back - then out the back door - down a flight of metal stairs. Out the back door - to a gate on the fence leading to our yard.

We step inside - they close the gate - remove handcuffs - open the inner gate - I am on the exercise yard. The yards are between two wings. A triangle shape. Like a slice of pizza.

Wide at the front - narrows as it reaches a point at the rear. It´s just a slab of concrete - with a 12 foot high fence around it. With razor wire all over the top. Room enough for a volley ball court and kind of half basket ball court. With a pull up and dip bar behind the basket ball goal - not great but usable !

I always take a minute to stop and appreciate the day - today was beautiful - clear blue sky - not a cloud insight - about 60° F. Can see the trees off in the distance - cars moving on the highway. Nice, stop take time to shake hands - or tap knuckles - a few words to guys I know ! Then play volley ball - or basket ball for the two hours.

Man, I remember when I first came 1977. I had never played basket ball or volley ball. Just baseball and football on the streets. I was 20 years old. Strong - fast - athletic. After a few years I got pretty good at both. Now, I´m not quiet as fast. So I use experience to compensate ! I still move well for 48. I work out in the cell three times a week. So I enjoy the competition and a good sweat.

Breakfast is over - by Average Joe

2005-02-26T10:19:00.000-08:00

So, I still do - even though I´ve seen no rats or roaches over here yet.
Breakfast over - I sit back - sip my coffee - watch the morning news. See what´s happened while I slept. Check the sports scores ! Then plug in my head phones to the little walkman G.P.X. stereo radio. I haven´t a clue what brand G.P.X. could be. But, it´s functional. If I place it in a good spot in my cell I can pick up some stations in stereo. I listen to what ever type of music I´m in the mood for. Variety keeps it from becoming boring. My favorite is old rock. But, I like all kinds - even Celtic music. Most have gone back to sleep after breakfast - it´s very quiet. A good time to think or write. I assume those up - are taking advantage as I am of the quiet time. Though sometimes I too go back to sleep. Just depends on how I feel.

Nurse passes by in the hallway. Checking to see if anyone has a call out request or pass out medication. The Medical Department is a mess. You can´t even get to see a doctor unless the nurse deems it necessary. Or it´s a declared emergency. Last time I tried - my knee was swollen - she stopped asked me what was wrong - I told and showed her. Then she asked me what I thought the doctor could do ? I said "Äh - I guess look at it - examine it - give me something for the swelling - maybe an ace bandage." She made notes. Came back the next day - gave me 30 pills of the cure all - wonder - drug. Said that was what the doctor recommended. So, I was diagnosed and treated without ever being examined. And no ace bandage either.

Charged a $ 4.00 co-payment ! So, I said screw it. Took the pills - and exercised my knee - put hot compresses on it till I got it back to normal. Took about three months. There was one guy who had chronic stomach problems. They kept telling him he just had acid and nerve problems. Anxious. Then he got real sick, they did tests, finally found he had cancer. Had for a long time. He died less than three months later. We´ve had 7 - or 8 die of cancer the past five years. I find it unusually high rate. But they say it´s because of the men on the row are aging.

I thought cancer hit any age !

There are a few others with some type of it. Anyway, best not to get sick !

Animals at Florida State Prison - by Average Joe

2005-02-26T09:35:00.000-08:00

In the old days at F.S.P. the place was infested with cockroaches. I mean thousands of them. They got into everything. If I set a cup of juice - or food down - leave it there for five minutes - roaches would be all inside it. I once removed the back of my radio - to clean it out - dust. There were hundreds of roaches inside it. Apparently they like the warmth and dark. And ate the wax inside. Soon as I opened it they scattered. I was stomping roaches for five minutes - and still half of them got away.

I´d be laying back watching T.V. and one would drop off the ceiling onto my chest. Turn the light on - they would be all over the walls and cell. I would get up - use my shower slides. Kill all I could. I killed thousands over the years - didn´t make a dent. I´m sure others did also. There were so many - you could smell them. And always seem to find a way into the food trays !

Those and rats ! Rats everywhere. Big bastards too. I called the big ones "T-Rats". Like the dinosaur - "T-Rex". When I first got to F.S.P. and summer came - I decided - since it was like 100° F in the cell - I´d put my mattress on the floor - it would be cooler. I did - it was cooler. Then I woke up late that night - with a rat sitting on my chest. I could see his red lil eyes in the hall light. Just sitting there - cool as could be. I stayed still till it climbed off me - scurried away. Got up, put my mattress back on my bunk. Never slept on the floor again.

Heard another guy pulled out his card board box one night - one jumped out - bit him on the cheek - had to put our food stuff in a bag. Hang in on a clothes line to keep them out of it. In a plastic bag to keep the roaches out. Anyway - with so many rats - there´s lot of rat turds about. Which also got into food at times ! So along with those surprise treats - and the occasional piece of metal or plastic. You always checked the food.

An average day on Death Row - by Average Joe

2005-02-26T09:08:00.000-08:00

Ahh, the sun shining through my window - freshly brewed coffee smell coming from the kitchen.
A cheerful voice calls out laughingly asking - " Hey sleepy head you gonna stay in bed all morning."
My stomach groans knowing there´s bacon and eggs - with some strawberry jam - being made for me and I´ll soon be tasting ! Nice thoughts huh, yeah, such things are my dreams made of
- but back to reality !

I wake up - roll off my bunk - stretch out to get rid of the kinks or still asleep parts of my body - from the lumps in my mattress. Look about - see the walls - bars across the front of my cell - dimly lit hallway. The scent of a lot of men in a confined space - and the hallway drain - which seems to be backed up again from the smell.
Yeah, everything is still there - which unfortunatly means so am I.

And the day begins at 5:45 - with the sound of breakfast coming on the wing and shouts from the guards and runner rounds of
" Chow Time - Coffee !"

I get up - walk to the door - a food tray is slid in the food slot in the door. A plastic tray - like they used in school for lunch. Take the lid off - 2 cold pancakes - like wise with the oatmeal - some type of syrup and a glob of margarine. Supposed to get an orange - but some genius decided to slice the oranges in half - and send them back all tossed in to a garbage can like container. So, few eat them. Too much chance of germs. I pass on the State coffee. Tastes like crap. Make my own cup from hot water in the sink.

Check the oatmeal - to be sure there´s no foreign objects in it. There usually isn´t here at Union Correctional. But, I still do it out of habit - from when Death Row was at F.S.P. (Florida State Prison). Death Row lived at F.S.P. - until around 1992 - when they opened this new facility at Union Correctional.

Happy Valentine ?? - by Average Joe

2005-02-21T03:20:00.000-08:00

Feb 14th, makes 28 years for me on the row.
I came to F.S.P. Feb 14th 1977
6 months in jail before that.
28 1/2 years in all !

a sad hello from Average Joe

We can´t live forever - by Average Joe

2004-12-17T14:21:00.000-08:00

We can´t all live forever.
Hell, none of us can !

We go through life so fast
and never stop to think
nor take time to truly enjoy it.

Its all live for the moment
as if nothing - yet everything matters.
Fuck tomorrow - live today.
Be damned the price we pay.

And maybe thats how it should be.
I mean look at all the bullshit around you.

What are you truly leaving behind ?
Yet, we live like it´s forever too -
till our time comes and we face
our final destination.

Hell, it´s like we looked around
saw what there was, and ran towards the end.
Doesn´t say much for all there was - huh ?

So I die, what the fuck -
I didn´t ask to be here anyway.
And we can´t live forever
hell, none of us can...

You know when I see you - by Average Joe

2004-12-17T14:12:00.000-08:00

It`s not the pretty eyes - nice hair
your big breasts or nice ass.
I see those - I like and enjoy them very much.

But, I see past those delicious features -
to who you are inside - I go into your innerself
where you truely abide.

That place full of you -
which you only show to someone you love and trust -
I walk through you and I am amazed at all I find -
your quirky awkward side which makes me smile.

Your serious side - the scars - which make me want to hold you closer.
Hell, you´re a wonderland of surprises and cool cluttered up messes.

Always changing - not changing your mind every 30 seconds -
which I hate - but, changing and growing with time.

And I think - if I don´t screw up too much -
I may have you to grow old with !
And always finding more you

To come and learn ! - by Average Joe

2004-12-17T14:04:00.000-08:00

To come and learn !
Maybe that´s what old couples have -
you know the ones you see together
for 30 - 40 years.

The old guy still opens doors for his lady -
and if you watch closely
you will see that twinkle of mischief in their eyes

When they look at each other
and share that secret smile -
that only they know it`s meaning.

Hey maybe that could be us in 20 or 30 years.
You never know - but for now I´ll just enjoy
what I´m finding each day inside you !

And you know -
this is kinda cool !

2004-10-24T01:09:00.000-07:00

Ocean by Larry Mann

Death Warrant - Here I am today

2004-10-01T13:53:00.000-07:00

Maybe I grew up - matured maybe I found myself. Or began to. Came to a place I felt good at. Oh I had ups and downs after, where it was a struggle. But, it takes time to grow into who you want to be.

But, here I am today, I feel at peace, I´m quiet inside, I think before I act. I am aware of the world and social situations. I´ve learned enough about law to help myself. To see the system for what it is.

I make the best of each day. Enjoy the good that does come my way. Large or small. Point is I´m ok. No, I do not like this place. It sucks ! But I don´t dwell on it.

And no, it did not all come from just me. I met some great people along the way. Good people who re-enforced what I learned. And began on Death Watch. People who gave me hope - strength and care to nurture these changes.

Sometimes just as friends, who walked a few miles with me. Some who loved me and I them. Some whom I do not even know, except by their efforts and actions. Each and everyone made a difference.

You see my mind opened on Death Watch. But, it could of been lost. If all one sees and receives - is harshness and coldness. They can easily become what they see and live.

But I met people who gave me the opposite. And in doing so, hope stayed alive inside me. And a belief grew. That there are better things in life. And things can be changed.

And so, after 27 years in this cell I am ok. Both mentally and physically. I´m sure others have seen helped in the same way.

And the real point of this message is what you guys do makes a difference. As a friend or love, or just an opponent of a bad system.

And if you ever ask yourself, does one person count, or can one person make a difference.
Remember this: the opposition began with one person. That one person talked to others - they joined in. And it grew, today there are opposition groups all over the free world. Some small - some bigger. And your voices are being heard. And for each person who joins in - the closer we come to a solution. To ending the Death Penalty. To changing a system that is wrong.

It will not happen over night. But, it will happen ! It happened in 1972. It wasn´t overturned just because of a case in court. It was happened because of voices of opposition. People who took a stand and said end it. That´s why it will happen again.

I must add on, there is nothing good about being on Death Watch. We know what it really is. It means the State plans to kill some person. The story here is just what it turned into for one person. It is different for each who experience it. But, that´s for them to say or not.

Some of you know. For others I decided to let you see the experience. Take from it what you choose.

I´ve known guys who had to go through Death Watch four or five times. Most were eventually executed. There´s no way to make that right. Or justify it.

To me, I saw those as more than what should ever of been done to or placed upon them. I did not feel sorry for them. I felt angry for them. I let that anger go, turned it into something positive. That´s part of why I speak now.

The other is to share with you guys. We know you are there !
Stay strong !

In recognition
Average Joe Death Row

Death Warrant - It was over

2004-10-01T13:42:00.000-07:00

Doesn´t matter, it was over.

Here´s the wired part, I was so set - so ready - that now it was over, I back in a cell on R-Wing sitting on my bunk.

I felt disappointed - let down. I´m not certain of all the whys, of this feeling. I guess it´s like when you enter into danger - or a thrilling situation. You get all pumped up - set in mind to do. The adrenaline flows.

Then, it does not happen, you loose that adrenaline high and it´s a let down.

That lasted about three hours. Then, the relief came. And I got back to living and life. But, what I had been through, what I had learned stayed with me. I was at peace inside. I started to appreciate each day. To open my mind to the world and people. I placed my first as for friends. To reach out people.

I was no longer afraid of what could happen as far as execution goes. I relaxed, and found things to fill my time and enjoy. I started to meet people through the mail, how much it added to my life.

I stopped getting into trouble. I was no longer confused - nor angry without reason.

Until then I was as wild as the place where I lived. When confronted by those in charge. I was as likely to tell them to fuck off, as not. I no longer felt that was necessary to do.

Death Warrant - the last three days

2004-10-01T13:22:00.000-07:00

I became more intense the last three days. My mind was set - I knew I could do it now. I was ok. I was hyped - my mind set to do it.

Two days left. Assistant superintendent came back. Told me the procedures. That the top of my head would be shaved - a play on my legs. So the electrodes could make good contact. I would be walked or carried if need be. Down the hallway - in front of my cell to the execution chamber.

At that time the curtain would be opened to the witness chamber - so they could view my execution.

And if I choose - I could at that time say any last words I had. Then, a hood would be placed over my head - electrodes in place. And if I choose a member of the clergy could say the last rites ! He would then check to see if there were any last minute stays.

If not at the exact time he would give a signal and the executioner would throw the switch.

He asked if I needed anything - I said no - I´m good ! I was asked what last meal I would want. All I truly remember is fried chicken.

Later that day - I was told - with like 14 hours before my time to be executed I had received a temporary stay. The guy who watched me left. But, they said a temporary stay of execution. Which means it can be lifted at anytime.

And I was still on Death Watch. So, my frame of mind did not change. I stayed prepared to die.

I went to sleep and woke up at 6 am. I was scheduled for 7 am. I waited. No last meal came. At 9 am I called my lawyer asked, what´s up. He yaws, says - what do you mean ? I said, well what´s up with the stay, I´m still in the Death Watch cell.

He said: " What ?? You received a permanent stay yesterday at 3 pm. Let me call someone !" He said: " Your safe !" I hung up. 30 minutes later, I was back on R-Wing. Seems the court clerk, at the court where I had received the permanent stay, forget to call and tell them.

Oh, I was not in danger of being executed accidentally. But, how does one forget to call and inform someone of such an important decision ?

Death Warrant - the last four days

2004-10-01T13:08:00.000-07:00

Which is true with a couple of the guys who watched me. After Death Watch - I see them, and they said glad you got a stay. If and where humanity exists - it will come out - usually.

Which takes us to the last four days. The morbid days. Four days left a guard comes back and measures me for a suit - for after the execution.

Three days left. A SGT. comes a back - asks if someone and who will pick up my possessions. And will someone pick up my body.

For some reason that struck me as extremely funny. I said: "I´m not quiet done with that yet." He said, this is not funny. I said: " Your just looking at it from the wrong side." I´m not sure - but maybe it´s like when your at a place where your not suppose to laugh like in church or the hospital. But, you just can´t help it. Plus I got this wired picture in my head of three cardboard boxes. Two has possessions written on the side. The 3rd has body on it.

Anyway, you get the picture.

Death Warrant - Suicide Watch

2004-10-01T11:50:00.000-07:00

Strange isn´t it, to learn about life so much, in a place designed to end life. Life is a
strange journey isn´t it. Anyway, the last 10 days another procedure comes into effect.

You go on what´s called suicide watch.

They would place an officer in front of your cell - sits right in the hallway. 24 hours a day - watches everything you do. Writes it down. That includes when you use the bathroom. Which I found irritating - it´s wired to be watched all the time.

Specially using the bathroom. I wasn´t all that shy - but, you like privacy when you use the toilet.

So, I decided if he was gonna watch - he might as well be able to see more clearly. So, when I had to take a leak - I would turn - sideways - let him get an eyeful. That happened twice. He asked if that was necessary ? I said no - nor is your watching me use the toilet.

We came to an agreement. When I needed to use the toilet - he would go for coffee or to rummage through my stuff to bring me pen and paper - ect.

We didn´t talk much - whomever was there but, we watched T.V. together - laughed at the shows. When you spend that much time with a person - you either come to like them nor not. Or from some sort of bond, or opinion.

Death Warrant - Phase 2 (the last days started)

2004-10-01T11:34:00.000-07:00

I was moved to the east side. The sunsets were replaced with sunrises. That always struck me as odd. Seems like the first 15 days should be sunrises. The last 15 days sunsets.

But then things are not always perfect. I suppose if one was a Christian, they might view it opposite - rebirth - life after death. New beginning !

Anyways, as I said I´m ok. At this point. So, my thoughts turned to life. What´s really the most important things in life. Money, it´s cool to have - use it, makes life easier. But, it doesn´t make for happiness.

I´ve seen on T.V. how the rich - and movie stars - even though very rich - are not happy. You have seen the stories - you know what I mean.

Possessions. Possessions come and go through life. They can be replaced. So, what is important ? I thought about the times I was happiest. All of them - were times I had spent or shared with loved ones or friends. Had nothing to do with money or possessions.

Yeah, true also the most painful experiences too. But that´s part of the same thing isn´t it ?
You know - you can enjoy - things by yourself, a sunset or rise. A good meal - movie. But, to share them makes them twice as good.

At that time I did not have a love interest at all. In fact I wrote very few people at all. Mostly just my family. The ones I stayed touch with. I learned so much in those 30 days. About myself and of life.

Death Warrant - a visit

2004-10-01T11:21:00.000-07:00

During this period my mother came to stay at my brothers here in Florida. She and my sister-in-law would come up every 3 - 4 days to visit. You could visit every day then when on Death Watch. Behind a glass partician. She would come and I would put on that I´m fine face and cheer her up - laugh and joke with her.

Tell her not to worry - I would get a stay. So, we talked about life - not death. But, a funny thing occurred. By the 3 or 4th visit I wasn´t wearing that I´m ok mask anymore. I was ok.

And I relaxed and just enjoyed our time. Cherished them. Made sure she knew I loved her. Near the end I told her if it did occur - I was ready - prepared. And to remember me with a smile - not through sadness.

Of course you can´t make a loved one think - like that. But, you try to make it as easy as you can.

Back in my cell each day - I would stand up - watch the sunset - think about times of my life - things I enjoyed - what I´d miss.

Sometimes at the end of the 15 days I would just stand quietly and enjoy the colors of the sky as the sunset.

Death Warrant - thinking about the execution

2004-10-01T11:04:00.000-07:00

My thoughts turned to the actual execution would it hurt - I´d been shocked by electricity before.
When I was like 14 - my cousin and I we walking by an electrics fence - off in a field - one to keep in animals. Stopped to take a leak. He dared me to - on the fence - I did - let me tell you it was painfully. I´m laughing now - it wasn´t at all funny then. And I´ve been shocked messing with electrical stuff - like T.V., radios. So I figured yeah, it will be painfully. But, it won´t last long. And I don´t think I´ll wake up later and still be in pain.

I thought about death. News accounts of people dying every day. History accounts of wars - disease. And of guys already executed. People die by the thousands every day. It couldn´t be hard. It´s inevitable really we all die in the end. The way of nature of life. Life and death are two halves of the whole. Where there is one theres the other.

I decided I can do this - and I will be ok. In doing it. I decided all these things in that first 15 days. And the fear went away slowly - and I began to relax.

Death Warrant - Thoughts and Nightmares

2004-10-01T10:41:00.000-07:00

My eyes were beginning to open to issues and life. But, only slightly. I was busy with surviving day to day life. And as I said avoiding the thought of being executes as much as possible.

At the same time aware - because, it was all around me. When we would go to the old R-Wing exercise yard. The far end of the yard was right up against Q-Wing. Where the chair was. They use to leave the curtains - shades open- you could see into the Death Chamber. I suspect they did this on purpose. I looked in a few times. Always sent a chill through me - but, I shook it off - went back to play ball.

Of course we use to protest executions rather vocally. Even some fires started in the hallways at times. It was a somewhat more hostile environment in those days. But, those were in protest of others. Not mine.

I had a couple of dreams of it also. Setting in the chair. Well I guess you would call them nightmares. Wake up - I´d push it aside. Get busy, put on the head phones or exercise - watch T.V. till thought went away.

But now, I had to face it straight up. Yeah, it frightened me. But, I decided - time to face it. I did. I thought about it. How would I face it - could I, in a way that had some dignity to it.

Or did dignity really matter. Would I fight them - or walk to it. I decided it didn´t matter do the best you can when the time comes. If you fight it will still happen - you might get hurt pretty bad - but that wouldn´t matter either. Because, not long after it would end. If you walk down on your own - dignity - does that count.

Dignity is a self thing. I knew too there were groups then. Though I did not known any one personally - had no contact with them. I was aware - that it would or could make their case stronger to oppose the Death Penalty - how I choose to behave. But, I pushed that aside - with - they will understand I did it how I could.

Death Warrant - The first days

2004-10-01T10:20:00.000-07:00

The Death Watch cells are on the button floor. Three cells or four to each side. I was under what is called Phase 1. That´s the first 15 days of a 30 days warrant. I was the only warrant signed at the time. So, was there by myself. Which wasn´t a problem. I have no problem with being alone, nor quietness.

I went into cell 1. Later my property was brought over. The T.V. was placed outside my cell - rest was kept in a closet - if I needed something - it would be given to me - then returned after use to the closet.

I asked for the phone. Called - told my mom - what was happening. Told her not to worry - I´d get a stay. I wasn´t sure of that. But, she needs not to know. Strange the rituals we go through to spare the ones we love unnecessary worry. Put on that cheerful mask - whether we feel it or not.

afterwards I kicked back on the bunk - and the wait began and the thoughts.

There was a good chance I´d get a stay. But, no guarantees. Others had already been executed by then. So I had to face the possibility that I would be executed. Which turns to finding a way to deal with it. To prepare yourself to die.

I really did not know much about law at the time. I had somewhat educated myself be then. Gained my G.E.D. through self study.

Death Warrant - How it starts

2004-10-01T09:45:00.000-07:00

Mine was signed in the Mid 80´s. I was kicked back in my cell listening to some music on the head phones. Not really paying attention to anything in particular. Just another day in paradox.

Then, three guards showed up in front of my cell. I pulled the headphones off - looked up at them. The sergeant said: "You need to get dressed - your wanted in the Colonels office." I knew then what was up. I´d seen it before - happen to other men near me. One of my pals asked whats up - we always checked out a situation - to be sure they weren´t pulling something wrong on someone.

I said my time to go see the Colonel. He said: " Oh take care man." You don´t say much at such times. Maybe because there´s not much you can say. Or quite sure what to say. So, take care
man - says it all - I understood.

I got dressed - left my cell as it was. They would come in and pack it up later. When the calls comes you all take is the clothing you have on. Part of their security procedures. Walked off the wing - the SGT. yelled clear the hallway. When a guy on Death Row went on call out. That´s how it was done. The hallway from R-Wing to the Colonels office is a straight walk. I´d guess 150 - 175 yards. Through two gates - past several wings.

The office itself is right across the main control room. Go in another small gated door to enter. It has like nine small offices. Four - usually used for attorney visits. Other for administration offices.

I was brought in, told to stand before the desk. The Assistant superintendent sat behind the desk. He said: " I guess you know why your here." I said yes. He: " the Governor has signed your Death Warrant" then proceeded to read it off to me.

I don´t remember all it said. But the significant part was the time set and day I was to be executed by electrocution. It´s kinda of chilling to hear it all read and know the exact time and day. Before that day - the years I had waited for that day. I think I had tried to shut that all out. Push it aside. I had not really dealt with it. So it came home all at once - after he read it - he asked if I understood it. I just nodded yes. He added if you need to call anyone a phone will be available.

That was all. I was walked back down the hall - not back to R-Wing - but to Q-Wing. Where the execution chamber is. Placed on the west side. You may of heard of Q-Wing - they later named it X-Wing - where Frank Valdes was beaten to death. But, at the time it was Q-Wing.

2004-09-28T07:28:00.000-07:00

a rose

Some thoughts from Average Joe

2004-08-30T12:41:00.000-07:00

Which would be all things are eternal.
And love lasts for as one loves !
What will be for us - we will decide.

There are 4 billion people in the world -
but, for us - it all comes down to just you and I in the end !
Our story ! Whether we win or end - it has to be based solely on what we choose.
No one else !
Cause all else are just bit players.
We are the leading man and woman !

I firmly believe we may our won destiny where love is concerns.
Oh fate can deal us obstacles - but, if we remain strong and believe in each other -
we get past all of them ! Know what I´m saying ?

Angry one - by Average Joe

2004-08-11T03:11:00.000-07:00

We can´t all live forever
hell none of us can.
We go through life so fast
and never stop think -
nor take time to truly enjoy it.

It´s all live for the moment
as if nothing yet everything matters
fuck tomorrow - live today.
Be dammed the price we pay.
And maybe that´s how it should be.
I mean look at all the bullshit around you.

What are truly leaving behind yet,
we live it´s forever too -
till our time comes and we face
our final destination.

Hell it´s like we looked around
saw what there was and towards the end.
Doesn´t say much for all there was - huh ?
So I die - what the fuck -
I didn´t ask to be here anyway.
And we can´t all live forever
hell none of us can....

Limbo - by Average Joe Death Row

2004-08-05T15:18:00.000-07:00

I have been on Death Row for over 20 years...
I´ve seen it all - through love - anger, frustration and tears...
Each day is alike - we call it same ole same ole...

Which simply means today is the same as yesterday - and as tomorrow will unfold...

It´s like being in that movie Ground Hosa Day - where the guy lives the same day over and over again... !

Yet unlike the movie - his dilemma ends when he gets things right...! Here is´t not about getting things right or changing of the tide...

It´s just get through - stay sane
to survive...

I - we live in solitary cells - 14 in a row--- like animal stalls of old...
Yet these stalls are human warehouses made of stone and steel..
Made to last - to break ones will...

And if one does not remain strong and learn to endure...to die within is swift and sure...

They say it´s about innocence or guilt...
But it´s not - it´s politics to the hilt...
we are but pawns - put a man on Death Row...and the higher in career and politics you grow...

And while they play their game of high can you go...
we are left here to survive

Reason to believe - by Average Joe Death Row

2004-08-05T14:48:00.000-07:00

When I look around me at these cream colored walls - bars and chicken wire...

I have a look for a reason to believe and find that uplifting desire...

I close my eyes and I see your face... and that vision takes me away from this place...
we are linked as one...
As if you know when I need you and always come...

I feel your presence so warm and near...
I can hear you say my name like a whisper in my ear...

So close - your spirit is as mine - mine a yours !!

And I remember the words I gave you and you returned words for word...

When things are bad - know I am by your side and my love you will see.
That I will be your strength -
and your reason to believe !!!

A letter from Average Joe - People in the struggle

2004-08-02T03:52:00.000-07:00

The good points are the people who came forward. After seeing and learning what this system was about and stood up and said - this is wrong.

And joined the fight to end it. It makes a difference.

Those in charge do not hear our voices from with in Death Row. But they hear yours. Voices as Sister Helen Prejan. And the Pope. Groups who protest out side the Capitol Building. Or who come to the person on execution dates and stand in the meadow across from the death chamber to protest.

Just regular people - made up from all walks of life. What makes them unique is not because they are famous or rich or just everyday people. What makes them unique is the strength to their convictions. The courage to stand up and be counted.

The site of their heart and depth of their compassion. So, when you read this or the sides poetry etc. Remember you need not be rich - nor famous. Rather just someone who cares to join in struggle. And you will be welcomed by others - just like you !

And maybe your voice will be the one to tip the scales - if not, you still will make a difference.

Maybe you will meet or write some or one of the men and women on Death Rows. Maybe you will make a difference in their life. Maybe they will in your life. That you´ll find in knowing them - your not so different.

So far over 50 have been executed in the State of Florida. Before its ended, maybe 50 or 100 more will die.

Maybe I shall fall within that number. But in the end - Death Row will be ended - no more will die. And that is the goal. The big picture. And you who stand up and speak out will have made this come to pass.

As I said I am not important - only the message is - there I shall remain nameless. Or you can think of me as Average Joe - Death Row.

P.S.: There are now men on Death Row in Florida who have been on Death Row for 25 to 30 years. Me 27 !

A letter from Average Joe - about DNA

2004-07-30T14:40:00.000-07:00

DNA has freed many. The system fought and still does to not allow DNA. Tests. Yet.
Slowly but surely it is being allowed. Unfortunately. Some cases are not that clear cut. DNA will not help those. Only research and investigation can. That is where many lose out. Unless a person can hire or can some way find Pro Bono representation. A true investigation and research may never happen. Because although the state appoints an attorneys for each on Death Row - they are restricted.

Give only so much funds for each case. And usually - the attorneys have several cases at once. So, much that should be done is not. Now, caught up in such an intricate system you have the defendant. Those men and women charged with the crime. Most come poor backgrounds. Uneducated - some with mental problems ignorant of the laws ! Most cannot even understand 90% of the legal system, they are caught up in. There for are not truly able to help much in their own defense. Nor understand or keep track of what their own attorneys are doing. Or not doing.

Unless these individuals are very lucky and someone comes in to help. They are just run through the system - unchecked for errors.

Not all on Death Row are unintelligent. And many who came ignorant - find ways to rise above the situation. To educate themselves and learn law. It takes years sometimes. But, a strong will and determination cannot be deterred.

What I try to give you - is an over all view of things people don't usually hear - nor know. A few key points. Without - being a long drawn out story.

talking about people who support us in the next letter

A letter from Average Joe - Police-Prosecutors and Judges

2004-07-26T09:51:00.000-07:00

People would like to believe these are the good guys ! And I am not going to say all are bad. Like in any group of people in society - you have good people and bad. But the way innocent people end up on Death Row are due to the bad one. You see police - prosecutors are just people. And prone to the same human failing as all are. Greed - power - success financial gains. How does a policeman climb the ladder of success. By solving crimes. And helping to gain convictions. And to solve crimes you have those who will toss the rules aside.

Who will lie cheat - hide evidence. Intimidate witnesses and have what is called jail house snitches come in and say - while in jail - this defendant told me how he did the crime. For doing this jail house snitch is given. A lesser sentence for the crime he was in jail for. There have been cases - where the same jail house snitch - has given evidence in several other cases. And these facts are hidden from the man convicted and his attorneys.

And even when you prove this has occurred - the prosecution can not be charged for this crime. Prosecutors have what is called prosecutorial immunity. Which covers not only the prosecutors - but, the witnesses they use also.

As I said, not all are dishonest. They are many who work hard and do what is right. Unfortunately they, the honest ones, are caught in a bad situation that exists in that type of work. It´s called the code of silence. They can not come forward to show corruption. If they do - they are ostriches by all others in uniform. And be come targets of abuse.

So it´s difficult to prove ones innocence or that false evidence was used.

You see once on Death Row - it´s hard to get off. The system was designed to put people inside. Not set them free.

let us talk later about DNA

A letter from Average Joe - Where I live

2004-07-25T13:23:00.000-07:00

Here where I live. We are locked inside our 7ft by 9ft cell 24 hours a day. Except for 2-3 hour periods on yard-exercise per week or unless we receive a visit or a call out to see an attorney or medical.

The cell is for one man. They remind me of horse stalls. 14 in a row. The only difference is these cells - stalls - are made of concrete and steel bars - human stalls.

Here we are warehoused for years and years whiles appeals are played out. Myself - I have been in one of the cells for over 20 years. If all goes wrong, in appeals I could actually end up doing 30 years and then be executed. In effect do a life sentence. Kinda seems like being punished twice. Yet they will say it´s humane and justice has been done. But, what I try to let you see is an over all picture from the inside. It´s not really about me - but rather the system. I am just one of the many.

And there are innocent people on Death Rows. 23 have been found in Florida to date or last I heard. 23 who did years in one of these cells - some for as many as 16 - 1 8 - 20 years. Coming here at ages 20 - 21 - 22. They had stolen from them what I call the best years of their lives.

And when set free - they do not even receive an apology - 9 times out of 10. Not that an apology would make things right. Nothing can restore that which was unjustly stolen away.

The years can not be given back. The bad memories and scars can not be taken away - nor healed. Yet it happens again and again.

Why, because the Death Penalty has become and perhaps always was political. Politicians use it to win office. They promise voters. Elect me and I will make things safer for society. I will speed up appeals and end delays - so executions can be carried out faster. He gives society false hope - to execute a small percentage of people will make society safer and solve problems of crime.

But, As I said it´s false hope. There is no simple solution. Rather using the Death Penalty as a pawn - he wins the vote to office. Politicians as we all know will say and do anything to win the election.

I come back and then we should talk about the police, prosecutors and judges !

A letter from Average Joe

2004-07-25T04:46:00.000-07:00

In this day and age of modern civilization doesn´t it seem funny, that the most powerful and technologically advanced nation in the world still has and feels the need to execute men and women ?
The same nation which imposes on other countries, what human rights should and should not be.
And is ready to go to war or impose sanctions on any country that does not take heed.
Perhaps its because the technology has out grown the human ability to grow both mentally - and consciously to match the 21st century.

It would be nice to believe that the Death Penalty was that simple of a mistake. Tat it was something flawed is in the intellect and could easily be corrected - by pointing out rationally the flaws !

But the truth is that Death Rows - the Death Penalty is the United States skeleton in the closet. Their dirty laundry. But, they no longer even try to hide it. They flaunt it. With the same arrogance, as much else they do - in dealing with the rest of the world. A case of do as we say not as we do. But slowly - surely opposition has risen - and the rest of the world has became aware of the Death Penalty. Groups have formed - people from all walks of life. Be they rich or poor - any race. Combining their voices in protest against a system which is not humane. And those voices are being heard.

Oh, the US still holds tight to their ways. Refusing to change. Keeping the Death Penalty in place. But, the voices of groups and individuals in opposition are causing concern. And the more voices that join in - the greater that concern will be. Till one day - they will realize - it´s not just a concern - it´s a real problem. And then, change will occur.

And while we await this change you should know - all who oppose and speak out against the Death Penalty ! You have already made a difference ! For the men and women who populate the many Death Rows across the USA. You have shown us there are people who care ! Which gives us hope and strength to flight onward ! To survive years of solitary - confined - existence.

do you want to know where I live ? So read the next part please ...
and feel free to ask what you need to know....

2004-07-25T04:29:00.000-07:00

Butterflies and bars

Here I am

2004-07-25T01:14:00.000-07:00

My idea is to show you what I do, because when I say I am a supporter for Death Row inmates, will you understand what that means ?

My idea is to show you what it means to be a Death Row inmates, to get the Death Penalty.

And maybe one day you will say: I understand what you do....